I can see myself happy in a polyamorous or monogamous relationship; what does that mean?

I feel that, with the right communication and people, I could be happy in both a monogamous relationship and a polyamorous relationship. I haven’t heard of people like this before, is this valid or am I confused?

Friends. Readers. Comrades. We have to cool it with the “is this valid” nonsense. What does that mean? Does it mean “is this identity respected by the person I am talking to” or does it mean “is this experience a common thing that many people share” or does it mean “is what I’m doing hurtful or unhealthy to me or anyone else” - because those are all very different questions that I’ve all seen the term “valid” used as shorthand for. Does it apply to identities, or individuals, or behaviors, or choices? How is “validity” determined?

It doesn’t mean anything and it’s not a helpful concept because now we have all these people running around worried about whether or not they or their identities or their choices are “valid.” And why are y’all asking me? I’m not the Eternal Arbiter Of Validity. What would you do if I told you it wasn’t valid? Stop feeling that way? Ignore me?

Sweetheart. Letter writer. Friend. You are fine. Just because you haven’t heard of people feeling this way doesn’t mean it’s not common, and even if it wasn’t common, it wouldn’t make you wrong or confused, just unique. It is completely possible to be happy in more than one relationship configuration, depending on the circumstances or the people or the communication styles involved. I live in California but would probably be happy living in Colorado or Baltimore. I work as a writer but would also be happy working as a teacher. It’s okay not to have one rigid determiner of your identity in this, or any other, aspect of your life.

You can identify as polyamorish, monogamish, poly-mono, ambiamorous, polyflexible, or you could leave be any attempt at pinning this down and just move through life being you, and meeting the people you meet, and dating the people you date, and making wise and responsible choices, and you’ll end up in the relationship(s) that work(s) for you. Check out this lovely article at Poly.Land.