i’ve had a queer-platonic partner (both of us are polyam) and recently he got an actual romantic partner. i am happy for both of them, and find it really cute whenever he talks about them, but i also feel really bad because we don’t talk as much, if at all, now that he got a proper partner. i’m not entirely sure if i’m taking our relationship differently to how he is, and i’m scared to tell him that i feel kinda left out because i feel like i’m being over dramatic about the whole situation.
Look closely at the language you use - you say you’re his “queer-platonic partner,” but then you refer to this new person as his “proper partner.” Do you see your partnership as less than equal to a sexual-romantic partnership? Do you think that he does? In what ways is it different - besides the absence of sexual intimacy, is there a difference in commitment, how much of your lives you share, etc.? Could you articulate what you want from this partnership, and what queer-platonic partner means to you?
This is something you ought to talk with him about. You’re not being “over dramatic” by having feelings. It’s okay to feel confused and disappointed when you realize that you weren’t necessarily on the same page with someone who you thought you were. Let him know that when you two became QPPs, you had a certain set of expectations about what that meant, and you felt that it meant your partnership was different from, but not lesser-than, another kind of partnership. Ask him if he feels the same way, and do some work to find out where you two might have slipped into assumptions or otherwise aren’t aligned. Anytime someone refers to themselves as your partner, they have a responsibility to have these kinds of conversations with you, even if they’re uncomfortable or difficult!
If he waves you off, tries to play down your partnership, denies your experiences, or accuses you of being “over dramatic,” then you need to cut this guy off from your emotional and social intimacy; he’s not acting as your partner and shouldn’t be treated as such. But if he really is invested in this qpp, if he really meant it when he committed to you, he’ll be open to talking about it and hearing how you feel. He might be caught in the throes of NRE, but there are things he can do to help you feel less left out and ensure that your place in his life continues to be honored the way it should be.