My friends are poly and want me involved. They weren't poly when I met them, it was a complete 180 flip of opinion overnight. Now they're obsessed with finding a unicorn. First, they wanted to date me, but when I hesitated, for multiple reasons, but the biggest, I don't want to lose my friends and I myself am not poly. When I said no to dating, 180 flip, now it's all about sex. They hint at it so much, it's uncomfortable being with them, my friends feel like a creep who can't take a hint. Help
You say these people are your friends, but you describe them as making you uncomfortable, being creepy, and acting obsessive. They are not your friends! You don’t have to tolerate this kind of predatory behavior. This isn’t really about polyamory - no one, of any gender or sexual identity or relational orientation, likes to be around someone who can’t take no for an answer and keeps pushing for more intimacy than the other person is comfortable with.
I do want to make sure, though, that you’ve given them a firm, clear, “no.” You say that you “hesitated” and that they “can’t take a hint.” If I were to give them a huge benefit of the doubt, it’s possible that they don’t know you feel creeped out and consider the matter closed. Some people think that a “push-pull, cat-and-mouse, you-must-seduce-me” type dynamic is flirty, and they could be (willfully or otherwise) misunderstanding your attitude about this. If you want to give them one last chance, you could say something incredibly direct: “I don’t want to have a romantic or sexual relationship with either of you, ever, period. I’d like to stay friends, but if you two can’t drop this pursuit immediately, I won’t be able to. Please don’t bring this up again - it’s making me very uncomfortable.”
But if you’ve a.) already done that, and they’ve ignored you or b.) you don’t want to, then your best bet is to just walk away. You don’t need to stay friends with people who are acting like self-caricatures of the obnoxious polyam couple chasing their third like wolves stalking prey. Those folk give polyamory a bad name, they’re completely unpleasant, and they’re as bad as the “nice guy” who hovers around women, whines about the “friendzone,” and pursues unrequited interests in deeply inappropriate ways. Adding the label “polyam” to it doesn’t make it any less out of line, gross, or uncalled for.