Around a month ago, I told my boyfriend that I believe I am poly. He was super upset and doesn't agree with it. We have decided to not discuss this again until November. I've agreed to think about staying monogamous and he’s agreed to think about polyamory. I can’t see any of us changing our minds and I'm worried that waiting until November is just prolonging the inevitable breakup. I love him so much and don't want to hurt him but I am so unsure of what to do next.
I’m a bit torn on what advice to give here, since I usually advise people to “trust what your partner tells you, absent evidence otherwise (and your feelings aren’t evidence),” and I also strongly encourage people to stick to boundaries and agreements they’ve made, unless there’s a compelling reason to ask for a change.
However, your case might be an exception. I say “might,” because you have more context than me.
If you truly believe that your boyfriend was honest about his willingness to consider a polyamorous relationship, you ought to give him the benefit of the doubt and give him the time he’s asked for to think about it. However, if he has a pattern of promising things just to end an uncomfortable situation in the moment, or if he hasn’t shown flexibility and openness in other types of discussion, that’s different. You know him best, so think through whether you seriously and genuinely believe that he’ll come to the conversation in November from a different place.
I’m not saying he ought to be okay with polyamory by November, but he ought to be ready to explain his needs, preferences, desires, and boundaries; and to have the question without shutting down, “disagreeing,” or asking for another "silent period.” He needs to be in a different conversational place, willing to explain his concerns and own his feelings. It sounds like he’s asked you to give him until November to be ready to do that, and it’s usually best to take people at their word on things like that unless they give you reason not to. Can he tell you why he thinks he’ll be better able to have this conversation in November? Is he clear on the private work he intends to do, and how he plans to use that space he’s asked for?
If you have genuine, observational reason to believe that he just wants six months to not think about this, not discuss it, not address it, and pretend he’s in an unexamined-ly monogamous relationship, then you’re within your rights to say “Look, I know that I initially agreed to wait until November, but now that I’ve had some time, it’s actually really bothering me and I’d prefer to address this sooner.” He can, at that point, choose his response. It may turn out that you two are incompatible, and it’s fair that you’d prefer to find that out sooner than later. He may be more willing to explain his desire for the delay. Or, he may get shut down or angry at your revisiting of the conversation. No matter what, you’ll get lot of information about how to proceed.