I have a bf of 6 months and were great together. About 2 months ago I started dating my long term friend, who I also clicked with. Only problem is they don’t seem interested in meeting and I was hoping they would because I want all of us to get along. The new bf has expressed that he’d be ok with it, but the other bf isn't. They are both more experienced in poly. Is it normal for metas to meet each other? Or should I leave it alone and keep the relationships separate?
It’s okay for you to want all your partners to get along, but you’re not necessarily guaranteed or entitled to get everything you want. If your boyfriend isn’t comfortable meeting his metamour, he’s free to decline. The question of whether it’s ‘normal’ isn’t very relevant to an individual situation. It’s ‘normal’ for people to eat peanuts, but for some individuals, eating peanuts can kill them (or at the very least ruin their day)! Even if the vast majority of poly people do something a certain way, if your partner says that doesn’t work for him, he doesn’t have to do it.
Only you can decide whether this is a big enough deal to push the issue. You are right that it would probably be best to “leave it alone,” but you may find that to be too difficult for you. If you really don’t think you could be happy in a polyamorous relationship where your metamours didn’t want to meet, you can try talking to your partner and asking where his refusal is coming from and whether he’s able/willing to work on it or consider a compromise. If he’s not, you’ll need to decide whether that arrangement is sustainable for you.