Do you have any advice or resources for a triad where everyone involved is completely new to polyamory? Most of the info ive found so far seems to be written for groups where at least one partner has some experience with poly relationships which would be fine but since all three of us are new to this im especially cautious about taking advice that was written for someone else. Also do you have any tips on how to handle scheduling? I want to get closer to both partners but we can rarely all meet.
Advice: Take it slow, and communicate. Talk through everything, and cultivate an atmosphere where no one is shamed or accused for sharing their feelings and needs. If you’re angry about something someone said, do your best to express anger at the content of their words, not the fact that they said it. Check in with each other often. You three are in an interesting spot because you get to start from a blank slate and define what polyamory means for you - let that definition unfold organically, don’t try to contort yourselves into how you think things should go. Good luck, and enjoy the journey.
Resources: My favorite introduction to polyamory is The Ethical Slut. A lot of people also recommend Opening Up, but I greatly prefer TES - check out both, and see what perspective you like. I have a personal distaste for Dan Savage and anything his hands have been on, including Sex At Dawn, but it’s also a well-trod text in the poly world, so your mileage may vary. There are a ton of good poly blogs and websites out there - some focused on activism, others on community support, poly parenting, polyamory in the media, or simply telling the story of one poly family or network. I’m working on a resources page for Poly Advice, but for now, the good old Google will help point you toward specifics depending on what you’re looking for.
Scheduling: If there’s one stereotype that holds true about the poly crowd, it’s that we are completely beholden to our Google calendars. Make one that all three of you can share and see, color-coded per person or in whatever way makes sense to you. Work on prioritizing time together (like planning a “date night” each week that is considered “off limits” for planning other things - tell bosses and classmates that you are busy if asked to meet at that time) and try stretching your definition of “time together.” Maybe you don’t have time to all go out for dinner together, but you could all snuggle up and watch a Netflix show later in the evening, or grab coffee together if your lunch breaks line up. Also, a group-text thread or app like GroupMe can help foster closeness even without physical togetherness.