Hello! I have a question about polyamorous terminology and was wondering if you could help me. I have recently become involved with a married couple. I think the term for what I am now is a unicorn; however, someone mentioned that because my married couple is significantly older then me (the wife by 14 years and the husband by 25) that there was another term for what I am more specific to the age gap. Do you happen to know what that is or where I could do more research to find it?

Wait, someone told you there are a word you should use, but couldn’t tell you what that word was? That person sounds like they have their own perspectives they want to impose on the world, but you don’t have to accept them. Find language that lets you identify and understand who you are and what your relationship is in a healthy, honest way. Don’t let meddling language police tell you that you need to find a new word (unless you’re misusing or misrepresenting someone else’s identity term, but that doesn’t seem to be the case here).

I, for one, have never heard of a term that means “someone dating a couple who are both older than them” - that is so specific that I don’t think there is, or needs to be, a term for that. Unless your age gap is a significant part of your relationship or somehow defines the terms of your relationship, I don’t see how it’s relevant to anything.

There are terms for relationships with big age gaps, but none of them are terms the people in the relationship are obligated to use, most of them are denigrating anyway, and none of them are specific to poly arrangements. There are terms for sexual play that involves roleplaying or exaggerating age gaps, but those generally have to do with sexual arrangements, not necessarily entire relationship styles. And any term should be freely self-adopted by the people engaging in the relationship; no one else gets to tell you “oh, you’re not allowed to use THIS word, what you’re REALLY doing is THIS OTHER TERM.”

And honestly, polyamory is so new that there are very few “real” or “established” terms, there is no Official Dictionary of Polyamory. If you find yourself in a situation that you want a term for and you can’t find one, make one up! If you find yourself in a situation that you don’t think needs its own term and you think you fit fine into an already existing category, don’t worry about it!