Hey! For some time now my boyfriend and I have been in a monogamous relationship with each other…well so I thought. We have been together for 7 months and I recently found out that he sleeps with his bestfriend/companion/ex-boyfriend. Basically, they used to have feelings for each other and now it is close friendship with cuddling and the occasional mutual masturbation. However, most recently (my boyfriend’s bestfriend) and I made out during a mutual sexual encounter, is this poly?
That’s not really a question I can answer for you! If the situation works for you guys and feels good and everyone feels secure and happy and fulfilled, then feel free to consider yourselves poly. Dan Savage suggests the term “monogamish” for people with the arrangement you have, and “open relationship” might also work. It’s up to you guys to self-identify. Sometimes labels can be helpful to define the terms of what’s going on, other times they’re extraneous, and just “a person who does what seems like the right thing to foster joy all around” is enough of an identification.
The only thing that would prevent that from being polyamory would be any kind of lies, deceit, selfishness, irresponsibility, or any shade of cheating, on anyone’s part. If all of you are not being open about what’s going on, if you haven’t laid out for yourselves and each other your desires, needs and expectations in all of this, if anyone is getting hurt or being kept in the dark - that’s not poly. It’s not really clear from your story how much honesty and communication is going on, so I suggest that you talk to your partner about all this, ask him if he considers this arrangement to be polyamorous, and put all the cards on the table.