Hi um I’m 13 and I’ve just started thinking that I might be poly, but I feel like I would only be okay if it was, say, a group of 3 people all dating each other, not like dating two people separately? Idk how this works really but I’ve seen it being a thing where the partners are completely separate? But I don’t think I’d like that? Also I think I would be okay in a mono relationship as well? Like if I loved the person I was with and they weren’t comfortable with it? Is all of this okay?
Dating multiple people who are all dating each other is called polyfidelity, and specific arrangements are called a a triad (3 people) or quad (four people), and so forth. It is okay to identify as polyamorous and only want polyfidelity! It’s a good thing to know what you want and be able to speak that.
It is also okay to identify as polyamorous and also be okay in a monogamous relationship! Being able to be happy, healthy and fulfilled in a polyamorous or a monogamous relationship is very possible, and very much okay. All of this is okay - you are you, and you are okay.
Know that, at thirteen, a lot of your self is still developing and being discovered. It is very okay to identify one way, then realize something else is more accurate later. It is very okay to try out different relationships and identities and let go of the ones that don’t work for you. Let yourself grow and learn! Take pride in who you are now, but don’t become so entrenched in who you are at thirteen that you aren’t able to learn and try new things!
Some people figure out who they are at thirteen and it doesn’t change much, and other people see their identities grow and shift as they get older and have new experiences. Both are very normal, and very okay. At every stage in your life and relationships, check in with yourself: are you happy and healthy? are you safe and secure in your relationships? If so, you’re fine. Take care of yourself, let you be you, and the words for who and what you are will come.