How do I know if I’m mono or poly if I’ve never been in a relationship before? Like never even kissed someone or gone on a date??? Like I’m 17 and I’ve only ever even crushed on someone once so how do I know

You don’t have to! Being 17 is a time to experiment, to try different things, and to find out who you are.

Our society, and especially the world of online discourse, likes to focus on identity labels. Am I gay? bisexual? ace? gray-ace? demisexual? female? male? genderqueer? what fandoms am I in? what music do I like? 

Relax. You don’t need to have the right, dictionary-perfect terms for everything you are and everything you want right now. Or ever, for that matter.

What you need to know is what’s healthy for you right now. What kind of relationships are you interested in? What are boundaries your partners can’t cross? What emotional needs would you like a partner to meet? 

The point of identity labels is to help you develop healthy relationships and boundaries. Let that come first - get to know yourself, and then if certain terms feel right based on what you learn, try them on.

For now, and for always, you don’t need to have a tidy little tumblr-bio list of labels, you just need to live authentically as yourself. 

To quote Tim Manley:

“As an easy explanation, I identify as bisexual. In certain circles, I prefer the vagueness and openness of the word “queer.” With myself, I don’t need a word.” — Tim Manley, interview for solo show Feelings

Get to where you don’t need a word with yourself, and the rest will come.