I recently met this guy, he and his gf are in a d/s relationship and they both say they really want me to be in a poly d/s relationship with them. i am totally down for it but last night they told me that they want to hold off on the relationship until the guy gets his own place to do the relationship the right way, i can’t help but feel afraid that if i wait it won’t happen and i don’t want to wait that long and end up getting hurt and I also fear that they will find someone else what do i do?
There’s a lot going on here, and it’s unclear what’s at the core of their reluctance to jump into the relationship right away.
It could be that one or both of them is feeling a little nervous about things and wants to buy some time, and the “until he gets his own place” thing is just a convenient way to do that. If that’s the case, I’d recommend talking openly with the guy about what the delay is all about, how you can make things easier, and what your needs are in the situation (i.e. not to be strung along for much longer).
Or, it could be that they genuinely don’t feel that a poly d/s relationship can be done “the right way” without him having his own place. I can understand that concern - it’s a lot easier to get into the physical and psychological space of d/s play when you have more space and privacy - but it doesn’t have to put a hold on the entire plan. You three can visit local bdsm meetups together, rent an airbnb or hotel room for a weekend of play, try some scenes at your place, share a group chat for naughty talk, etc. If that’s the case, let him know that you don’t care that he isn’t some Christian Grey with a penthouse dungeon, and that you’re ready and excited to jump in and make it work now.
Of course, the answer here, as in almost all poly things, is communication. You’ve got to give him the space to let you know why he and his gf are pumping the brakes, and have the courage to respond to what he says with a statement of your own needs. Good luck!