In your experience, is it normal to experience some sort of jealousy towards your partner’s other partners? I don’t experience it often, but it did spring up last time I was hanging out with my partner. I’ve only been involved with this man for a month and I’m too nervous to bring it up.

Jealousy is normal, of course! It’s part of the spectrum of human emotion, and poly people are not immune to it. Don’t beat yourself up over feeling a certain way, or feel like you need to silence those feelings. 

The best way to deal with jealousy is to figure out what’s at the root of it. Jealousy is complicated and looks different for everyone. Maybe you feel threatened, like your partner’s other partners pose a risk to their feelings for you. Maybe you feel neglected, like the time your partner is spending with their other partners takes attention away from you. Maybe you feel inadequate, like the things your partner likes about their other partners are things you can’t provide. Those are all very different ways to feel jealous and should be dealt with differently. When it comes to jealousy, you need to be very introspective and honest with yourself about where it’s coming from, then identify what you need in order to feel better.

That said, I have to be a little tough-love here. Polyamory doesn’t allow for you to be “too nervous to bring it up.” Polyamory requires open, honest communication, and that goes both ways. It means that even if you feel shy or awkward about talking about something, if it affects your relationship, you need to talk about it. It is unfair to your partner, and to you, to keep this held in and not allow it to be addressed. It doesn’t matter that the relationship is new - it should be healthy from the start. And if this is someone who makes you feel uncomfortable, guilty, or silenced when it comes to talking about your feelings and needs, this person is not doing poly right and you should not be with them.

Be calm and non-accusatory when you bring it up - just say “I am having these feelings, for what I think are these reasons. Let’s work together to help me feel better.” Identify for your partner what you need from them - “I need you to reassure me that our relationship is secure;” or “I need you to not text someone else constantly while you’re with me,” or “I need you to talk through my emotions with me to help me re-frame my thinking on this.” Take a deep breath, smile, and just rip that band-aid off! You, your partner, and your relationship will be better off for it. Good luck!