I’ve been in a triad for about 8 months, and I’m having issues with it lately. I know this is the only way I can be with him, but it’s been tearing me apart. I wish I could be introduced as his girlfriend. And I want to be his only girlfriend. What do I do? I don’t want to lose him.

This is one of those tough situations where it’s not possible to get everything you want. Sometimes relationships just don’t work because of things like this - it’s a frustrating reality of life. If the only way to be with this guy is to be in a triad, and you don’t want to be in a triad, then you may not be able to be with him.

If you met someone you liked and then 8 months in, they told you they were moving to a remote, freezing village above the Arctic Circle, and the only way to be with them was to live there, it would be totally reasonable for you to say I do really like you, but I just can’t be with you on these terms. Or if someone you liked only dates people who are vegan, and you can’t or don’t want to make such drastic changes to your diet. Or if he only gets off by having sex in a day-glo yellow full body latex suit, and that’s just not your thing.

Not wanting to lose someone doesn’t mean you’re obligated to put up with something that’s not making you happy. Think about it the other way: if being monogamous was, for him, the only way he can be with you, would he do it? You don’t have to accept someone else’s terms just because they won’t budge. If an unstoppable mono meets an immovable poly, neither is obligated to compromise - it just may not work out. 

If a relationship is tearing you apart and not giving you what you want, it’s probably not the right relationship for you. There are plenty of monogamous people in the world who will treat you as their one and only girlfriend, and it sounds like you deserve to be in that kind of arrangement.