My husband is having some issues with finding a partner and I am not. I feel really guilty going out when he is staying home having an anxiety attack because I am out. I wind up not having any fun even though I know poly is the right choice for me.
This is actually a common issue for poly folks, and is the dark flip side of compersion. But, like most things in polyamory, it comes down to the core issues of communication and trust.
Be clear and open with your husband about how you’re feeling. Say that you’re having a hard time enjoying yourself on dates because you feel guilty about leaving him at home. Then ask him how he feels about this situation.
If he says that yes, he is frustrated or sad about the imbalance there, then maybe it’s time for you to take a break from the dating and plan some quality time with him. If he’s comfortable, you could even help him meet some people - coaching through online dating, finding local Meetups, things like that.
Or, he may laugh it off, saying that he’s not bothered by the imbalance and that he enjoys having some evenings to himself. In that case, it becomes a question of trust. You need to trust him that he’s telling you the truth, and respect that whatever your anxious mind may be projecting isn’t really how he feels. Go out, enjoy yourself, and be grateful that you’re coming home to a relaxed and accepting husband!