Pre-Packaged Answers: Haters Version

I get a lot of rude, judgmental, frustrating, or just ignorant “questions” (usually more like combative statements) too. Here are some common ones and my answers:

Question: My cousin tried an open relationship and it failed miserably. All these things do is cause a ton of drama.
Me: I know plenty of monogamous relationships that have ended with lots of drama, too. It’s not the type of relationship that causes drama, it’s the people involved.

Question: I’m tired of you people judging me for being monogamous. Don’t tell me what to do. I like my relationships the way they are.
Me: I’m sorry if you’ve met a poly person who acted like they were better or more enlightened than you. I don’t feel that way. I think everyone should be in the relationships that are best for them. I would never pressure a mono person to become poly, and if someone ever does, tell them they’re being disrespectful.

Question: I think you’re just hiding behind that because you’re afraid of commitment.
Me: My style of commitment might look different from yours, but I’m very committed to my [number] boyfriends. 

Question: God clearly defined relationships as between two people.
Me: I believe that God values love and community more than arbitrary rules. My polyamory makes me feel joyful and fulfilled, and hasn’t affected my relationship with God at all. I would be happy to talk more with you sometime about my spirituality and the way it informs my relationships.

Question: It’s impossible to love more than one person.
Me: I know that isn’t true, because I love more than one person. And besides, you love both your parents, don’t you?

Question: You’re just doing this for attention/to feel special.
Me: No, my identity goes a lot deeper than that, but I’m apologize if you’re not interested in talking about this. [Change the subject by asking them a question about themselves, or leave.]

Question: I think that’s gross/wrong/sick/stupid/unhealthy.
Me: Thank you for sharing your opinion with me. 

Question: Giving it a fancy name doesn’t hide the fact that you’re just whoring around.
Me: So what if I am? Sex is awesome and there’s nothing wrong with having sex with more than one person. My sexual choices don’t affect you, so calm down.

Question: Ohgod, I could never do that.
Me: That’s okay! No one is asking you to. I don’t think polyamory is a better way to be than mono, it’s just another way. Monogamy is healthy and fulfilling for lots of people, just not for me.

Do you have a snappy, funny, or educational answer to a stupid question you’re tired of getting? Have you heard a question about polyamory so absurd you have to share? Got questions about dealing with the haters? Get in touch here.