So my boyfriend came out at poly to my today while I was at work, and I was stressed and over reacted because my experience with polygamy is well… it’s a cult thing (that’s all I know). He’s pissed cause I said I don’t know how to handle seeing him fall for another, cause I’m aromantic/demisexual myself. He’s really mad and keeps bringing up old arguments saying I never change when I said I’ll try to get over it because I want him in my life. What do I do?
Here’s what you do:
“Hey, wonderful. I’m sorry that when you came out to me today, I was taken aback and overwhelmed and didn’t react in the best way. I made assumptions and jumped to conclusions, and I’m not happy about how the conversation went.
Can we start again? I really do want to talk about this with you from a place of calm, honesty, and maturity.
I know that things didn’t go well before, and I’m sorry about that - are you able to accept my apology and talk about the issue on the table, which is your polyamory, rather than continuing to litigate the tone and tenor of our last conversation?
If you want to keep talking about my patterns and how we communicate, I’m happy to talk about that. Are there arguments we’ve had that are still bothering you? Are there patterns in how I talk to you that you want to discuss? However, I think that needs to be a completely different conversation than the one about polyamory.
We can talk about how to have healthier dialogue and what you perceive as ongoing issues, and we can talk about your interest in polyamory, but trying to have those conversations on top of one another isn’t working.
I love you, and I’m sorry about how things went down earlier. I do want to discuss this with you from a place of love and curiosity, and I wasn’t able to be in that headspace while I was at work. Let’s try again.”
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