I’m not sure if you’re the right blog to ask, but I don’t know where else to turn to. I know I’m bisexual because I find both men and women romantically and sexually attractive. However, I find any touch from men (even hugging) disgusting unless they’re related to me. It makes me want to rip my skin off. Could this mean I’m not actually bisexual? I’m so confused.

If you “know you’re bisexual,” then that’s your answer.

It could be that you can aesthetically appreciate men, but don’t actually want to engage with them sexually. It could be that previous negative experiences or trauma have created a sense of disgust around men’s touch. This might be the kind of thing best worked out with a mental health professional who specializes in sexuality and identity, if it’s causing you distress.

It could be that your brain’s ‘wiring’ is bisexual, but the realities of your life mean that you aren’t set up to find touch or sexual attention from men enjoyable. It’s okay to let “nature” and “nurture” coexist - despite my previous use of the metaphor, it’s actually an oversimplification-to-the-point-of-myth to think of brains as ‘wired’ a certain way. 

If you enjoy fantasizing about men sexually, if you enjoy looking at attractive men, if you enjoy porn or erotica including men, awesome - do that! If you don’t enjoy actually having sex with men, that’s fine - don’t do that! Live your best, healthiest, happiest life, and don’t worry so much about what exact labels apply. 

Hi, so, this will probably sound incredibly uneducated and lame but that’s why I’m asking-so I can be educated. I saw something about bisexuality being any level of attraction to different people, so you cane be 90% attracted to men and only 10% attracted to women and still be bisexual. I’ve been really confused for a while because I find certain women incredibly attractive but I don’t want to have sex with them and I am certainly more into men. Idk what this is.

“What this is” is you. All I can tell you is that you’re a person, with a sexuality. It’s okay to be in an undefined space - you’re you, and that’s all you need to be. Sexuality is a tricky thing, often described as “fluid,” and differently experienced by every individual on this great planet.

Maybe your sexuality doesn’t line up neatly with definitions and labels that other people have. That’s okay! When you read something, even if it’s strongly worded or stated in universal terms, you don’t need to take it at face value. You have the right to investigate claims, develop your own worldview, and find the identity that is healthy and fulfilling for you to live into.

It is possible to find someone, or something, aesthetically attractive and not have that appreciation translate into sexual desire. I find Natalie Dormer, the color teal, and Van Gogh's Starry Night incredibly attractive, but don’t want to have sex with any of them. If you don’t want to have sex with women and don’t identify as bi, then don’t! It doesn’t matter how another person interprets their 90%/10% attraction. They’re not wrong, you’re not wrong - people are different, and there’s no such thing as Identity Police.

If you do identify as bi but with a preference for men, then go ahead and identify that way. Maybe you will find women you want to have sex with, and identifying as bi can give you the context to recognize that attraction for what it is and deal with it in a healthy way. But you make the choice that you feel best reflects who you are and what you need to have healthy relationships - not what someone else says works for them.