I’m in a poly relationship with an older man (30) and I’m 18. We have experimented with BDSM type of things, such as him dominating me and bondage. A lot of emotions come with this for me because the sex is very intense. Recently I’ve been feeling sad about our relationship. He never tells me about his other partners when I ask about them, and he often doesn’t answer my texts and bails on our plans. I’m worried he’s just taking advantage of me to do BDSM things and I feel like I’m being played.

If you feel like you’re being played and taken advantage of, RUN. You don’t ever need to stay in a relationship that makes you feel sad or let down.

Sadly, it is all too common in the BDSM and the poly scene for older people to prey on younger people, because they don’t yet know what their rights are or how to stand up for them. This situation that you are in is not your fault - you did not “let” him do anything. He is abusing the implicit power he has as an older person, and that is not okay.

It is totally fine to want to experiment with BDSM and polyamory, and many people do find older members of the scene to teach and guide them. But this man is not a healthy partner for you, he is not teaching and guiding you, he is using you. 

You deserve better, and you can find better. You don’t have to settle for this guy. He may have told you all sorts of things about himself, and about yourself, but you don’t have to believe them. If you are interested in BDSM and/or polyamory, you can find healthy, fulfilling ways to learn about them at your own pace. Please cut this guy off!