So i am about to move me and my family to virginia from oklahoma and i’m not having any luck with finding a poly community that isn’t nation wide. I don’t do well in long distance relationships but cant seem to find anything local for the area

In my many moves around the country and the world, I’ve found that most awesome, local communities, event spaces, meetup groups, and other things tend not to maintain a strong online presence. It takes time and work and expertise to manage a website, an online calendar of events, etc. and so what could be a vibrant, thriving community seems non-existent to people who haven’t stumbled across it in real life.

So if you haven’t moved yet, I would caution you not to worry just yet about not being able to find anything. Once you get there, it will be easier to suss out whether the poly community is truly absent or just hard to find from Virginia. It always takes a while to find your people in a new city, even when that’s a major priority. It sucks, but giving up early is a surefire way to never find it.

Once you get there, consider checking out:

  • Art and music shows and venues 
  • Libraries, colleges, and other spaces that host events
  • Munches, sex shops, or BDSM spaces
  • Co-living and co-working spaces
  • Non-profits and volunteer organizations
  • Groups, meetups, and spaces that focus on hobbies and interests most often correlated with “alternative lifestyles” (ugh I hate that term): meditation, circus arts, dance, street art, social justice, etc.

Online, check out the website and potentially the local subreddit for whatever area you’ll be in. 

Good luck! I know this frustration very well, and it can be so painful and isolating. But keep at it, and you’ll find your people!