I am married and have been poly since we started dating 10 years ago. In general, everything is very smooth and works well between us. Almost two years ago I started dating someone else who was a bit of a game changer - I've dated other people, but this has turned into a deep, serious long-term relationship. He has always been monogamous but was willing to explore poly to be with me and has taken to it wonderfully. My question is not so much advice about how to manage my multiple relationships, but if you have ideas of a way to acknowledge my other partner with a significant gesture or in a major way when we I can't legally marry him. We've discussed the fact that, in a different situation, we would have approached marriage by now, and while we both are content with the fact that we can't, I would like to do something tangible to demonstrate my long-term commitment. I know it will have to be something that is meaningful to both of us, but I'm struggling with even gathering ideas in the first place at this point!
Congrats on having found two deeply loving, committed relationship! Some ideas:
- Saving to go on a once-in-a-lifetime vacation that you'll enjoy together
- Matching tattoos or an investment in high quality, daily-wear jewelry like rings or watches
- A "commitment ceremony" that is not a legal wedding but includes traditions and people who are important to you
- A joint project, like fixing up an old camper van, starting a chicken coop, organizing a community event/meetup, etc. together
- Adopting a pet together
- Moving in together
- Working together on a new term for your partnership (spouse, partner, lifeshare, etc. also, you can say 'husband' even if you're not legally married.)
- Legal name changes - a blended last name, adding each other's last names as middle names, etc.
Do you have thoughts or ideas for this letter writer? You can leave them in the comments on the main blog, askpolyamory.com!