My wife dates other women, but doesn't want me to

I am a married man and my wife wants to date women. We are committed to each other and I am okay with her dating women in fact she has in the past while we were married. She didn’t keep intimate secrets from me with other women. We both believe in being honest and open. She wants to date women again but so do I. She doesn't like the idea of me dating other women. Can you help?

I mean, I can’t help in the sense that I don’t have a magic ability to change how your wife feels and what she wants. But I can give some advice, and that is - as in most of my posts here - open communication. You need to find out why she doesn’t like that idea, what her boundaries and barriers are, and what she needs to feel more comfortable with it.

She may feel like there is something ‘special’ about your relationship because it’s the only heterosexual relationship in all this - that her dating women is somehow less of a threat to the relationship than you dating women. But since you don’t want to date men, “one heterosexual relationship” isn’t a sensible limitation. This discomfort or sense that her dating women is less “real” or “dangerous” is common, but comes from underlying assumptions that often don’t stand up to intentional examination. It could help to say "date people" instead of "date women" to help both of you think through whether your issue is more situated in the dating, or the women. 

Don’t go into the conversation intending to debate her into changing her mind. Instead, seek to figure out how she feels, and why, and what her fears and desires are based on. Once you both have a better understanding of what’s going on and how to articulate it, then you can take the next step of identifying what might need to change or be worked on.