My partner and I want different types of polyamorous arrangements

My partner and I both identify as being polyamorous. But he would like for all his multiple partners to love and be with one another; I am seeking 2-3 separate relationships. How do we reconcile this? Can we?

It depends on whether, for each of you, these are preferences or needs. If your partner would feel unsafe and uncomfortable and unfulfilled in a more V-type arrangement, or if you would feel suffocated and boxed in and frustrated by a polyfidelitous arrangement, then it's irreconcilable.

But there might be room for compromise. Perhaps your partner would be okay if everyone you're dating and he's dating get along and are friendly, even if they're not all romantically intimate. I know people with polyamorous terms of the relationship that dictate that new partners need to 'gel' with their existing community.

Or, perhaps he'd be happy being in a quad or triad with you, while you also have unconnected relationships as well. Maybe what he's wanting will be provided by a triad or quad and is less about not wanting you to have partners that aren't also his partners and his partners' partners.

So, the next step is to just start talking, and keep talking. Describe your best case and worst case scenarios to each other. Daydream instead of planning. Think through different things that would make you happy. Identify what makes you feel threatened and why. I can't identify the sweet spot that will reconcile this, but you two probably can!