A question ostensibly about polyamory, but really about abuse

My bf & I are open. it was fine until he met someone online & bought plane tickets to see her a month later the same week. It caused some issues because it felt impulsive and I knew almost nothing until it was all planned. it took 3 weeks of me asking before he agreed to let me message hi to her & it was only after a fight where he got physical w/me & felt bad. I felt better after like saying hi to her. Before he left he said he wanted us to be mono when he comes back. Red flags? Or Iā€™m not poly ready?

Let me break this down a bit:

1.) You wanted your partner to do something that he did not want to do
2.) You and your partner got into a fight where he got physical with you
3.) Because of his guilt around the physical abuse, he agreed to do the thing

This is not a healthy relationship dynamic and you need to leave this relationship immediately. Counting on the cycle of abuse to get things done or manage conflict is dangerous. Your problem is not with polyamory, your problem is with an abusive relationship. Check this page for resources that can help you leave safely.