The married couple I have been seeing for a 6 months is now pregnant and I (F) am struggling to adjust to the thought of this. I feel as though they just expect me to be okay with this and I’m not sure what to do or how to feel because I am not too excited about this.
So, there’s a fine line between “couple’s privilege” and recognizing that in general, newer relationships tend to just carry less weight than more established ones. This is true in monogamy as well. If I had been dating someone for 6 months, and I got a cool job offer out of state, I’d probably just tell them the news, be sad that the timing didn’t work out. But if I had been dating someone for 3 years and we lived together, then it would be a decision I’d talk with them about before applying, and discuss seriously with them what to do about the offer. It’s not about hierarchy or privilege, it’s just about how relationships tend to work.
If they’ve been planning on starting a family for a while, and also out there dating, it would have been prudent for them to share that information with you up front. It sounds like this information felt more abrupt to you, which is going to be painful and startling. It can feel rough when people bring you something like this from a position of “we’re informing you, not consulting you.” But that’s where they are right now - prioritizing their desire to have a baby over any preferences of yours. So now you have that information, and you can act on it.
Your next step would likely be to gather more information: do they hope that you will enthusiastically co-parent, forming a household of 3 parents who share childcare duties equally? Is that something you would want? Or are they planning to ‘cocoon’ a bit with the baby, expecting you to work around their new-parent needs and schedule, taking more of an auntie or family friend role? Is that something you would be okay with? Figure out what they’re offering, then figure out whether you’re willing and able to take that offer.
It might be that this new relationship just won’t survive this major lifestyle change, and that the timing of y’all meeting just didn’t line up with their family planning. Sometimes that happens, and it sucks. If you don’t want to date a couple with a new baby, and they want to have a new baby, then that’s that. Don’t try to fake feelings that you don’t have, or suppress feelings that you do. They have a right to set the terms of their lives; you have a right to participate at whatever level you’re comfortable with.