I worry about being seen as a 'unicorn'. I'm a bisexual woman who currently has 1 male partner and I am seeking dates and possible relationships with other women. I have in my dating profiles that I am polyam, bi and partnered but I get a lot from couples who want me to be their unicorn, or from experimenting women who have 'permission' from their boyfriends. I am interested in dating women, not primarily in flings. How do I best get this across?
Ah, the eternal struggle. No one has yet found a complete solution that makes them invisible to unicorn hunters; if anyone out there has ideas, please send them my way. Just like straight women looking for boyfriends are going to end up being pestered by fuckboys who want sum fuk, it’s one of those Unsolvable Problems Of Human Existence, like the common cold or how avocados are never ripe when you need them to be.
But there are things you can do to reduce the prevalence of this annoyance in your life! You say that your dating profile specifies that you’re polyam and bi, which is like unicorn hunter bait. Please feel free to be as obnoxiously clear as possible in your profile. You can say something like “I AM NOT A UNICORN! Couples looking for a threesome or a “third,” or women with a primary relationship who are looking to “experiment,” I AM NOT YOUR GAL! I am not looking for a fling - I am a polyamorous, bisexual woman seeking other wlw. I am interested in dating and potential partnerships, not experiments or flings. Thanks!”
Sure, there are some cool wlw you might turn off with this message, but I’d wager that the risk of a few false negatives outweighs the annoyance of all the false positives you’re getting. And when someone who doesn’t meet your criteria does ignore your profile and messages you, feel free to link https://www.unicorns-r-us.com/ then block and move on.
And consider hanging out in spaces where polyam wlw are also hanging out, like polyamorous meetups and things like that. Try to find some social circles where people who are more knowledgable about what it actually means to be polyamorous are moving, and put it out there in your social networks that you’re interested in this!