What do I do if none of my close friends agree about me being with two people, and start turning into bullies?
It can be really hard when you come out as polyamorous and people in your life decide to be cruel or ignorant about it. I’ve never really understood why people think they have the space or the right to “agree” or “disagree” with another person’s relationship. But some people are gimongous jerks about this.
If your close friends are being hurtful, it’s okay to prioritize your own comfort and take space from them. Try finding other people, online or in your area, who can support you right now. A polyamory-oriented forum, discord, or subreddit might be a good place to try. It hurts to lose close friends because they won’t accept you for who you are, but it’s better to free yourself from that nastiness and start working to build a community of supportive, loving people. Start with your partners, who clearly care about you!
You can try to explain to them that they’re being unfair and ignorant, but only do that if you have the energy to engage in a painful conversation, and if you think you’ll be okay even if they aren’t understanding. You can’t control other people’s opinions, and even if you’re the world’s most convincing advocate, that’s no guarantee that the'y’ll come around.
If you have to be around these people, come up with some one-liners that will shut down the conversation. It’s okay not to engage and just to go “grey rock” if they try to provoke you. “Thanks for your input” is a good one. You can also just say “that’s rude” or “I don’t want to discuss my relationship with you.” I’m so sorry that you’re dealing with this - know that there’s a whole community of polyamorous folks and allies out here who have your back!