So im talking to a girl right now and she doesn't know im poly yet and have a bf but I've been burned in the past with girls knowing; either immediately not giving me a chance to prove im not someone who wants multiple partners; or they have used it to get to my bf and I's money or string me along cuz they know they can; how should I break it to her? And make sure she knows im in this for real and no games.
If someone finds out that you’re polyamorous and then immediately stops being interested in dating you, that is okay! The whole point of “talking to” someone in this context is to figure out whether you want to get more serious with your relationship. It sucks when someone you’re talking to decides to bail after learning something about you, but it’s part of the game. No one owes you “a chance,” even if you think you could prove to them over time that you’d be someone they’d enjoy dating.
It’s possible that you may be treating polyamory as some dark secret - you yourself phrase it as “breaking it to her” like it’s bad news. It’s also possible that what turns girls off is the fact that you kept the fact of your relationship a secret for so long that when you told them, it felt like you had been lying by omission. It’s also possible that you just keep running into people who don’t want to date someone in a polyamorous relationship.
The best thing to do is to be open and honest and up front. Be upbeat and casual when you share this information. Let people know that you’re open to dating other people and not “off the market” just because you have a boyfriend. But also let people know that you do have a boyfriend. Be prepared to do some gentle and non-judgmental education and question answering.
Consider also that you may be fishing in the wrong pond, so to speak, if you continue to come across people who react negatively to you being polyamorous. If you’re actively seeking new partners, try dating in a way that lets you be more up front about your relationship. If you’re meeting people through another social scene or casual acquaintances, consider whether it’s safe and possible for you to be more out and open as a polyamorous person.
And if you’re worried about someone stringing you along for money, do not send them money.