Hello. I’m fourteen and in a polyamorous relationship (As in, I’m with two people of the same sex as me, and they both know and consent even though they don’t personally have feelings for each other). However, I’ve been seeing articles and such that claim that being poly is a lie and that I should be ashamed of myself for being ‘slutty’. How can I help get those thoughts out of my mind?
First off, stop reading those articles!!! I don’t know where you’re hanging out online or in real life where you’re encountering those attitudes, but start minimizing your exposure to them if at all possible. You are under zero obligation to put yourself in the ‘line of fire’ of statements that make you feel ashamed. If someone is going out of their way to put those ideas in front of you, that person is being cruel and unsafe and you are well within your rights to minimize contact with them, block or unfollow them, etc.
Second, start filling your mind instead with poly-positivity! Read articles, forums, blogs, and other content that is affirming and healthy for you. Start with some of these links, and branch out from there. If you use tumblr, instagram, reddit, facebook, etc. search for poly-positive tags, groups, and users and create a safe space for yourself! Read books and watch movies that are poly-positive! Check out the resources here to start.
Third, find ways to help yourself heal from the damage that has already done by those nasty things you read. It is okay to be who you are, and your relationship is not a lie. It is okay to be “slutty,” so if that is something that resonates with you, feel free to take pride, not shame, in that label! But if that doesn’t resonate with you, feel free to completely reject that label. Simply being in a polyamorous relationship does not make you “slutty.” No one else gets to tell you who you are. No one else gets to say that because of your choices or relationships, that you are wrong or bad or should be ashamed. I answered a similar question here, which includes some other suggestions for how to heal from anti-poly and poly-shaming nonsense.
Congrats on finding a relationship that is healthy and happy and working for you! Know that there will always be people out there who disapprove of what you do, whether it’s “getting an art degree” or “adopting a dog from a kill shelter” or “being a millennial” or whatever. The reality is that no matter who you are or what you do, there will always be someone out there writing thinkpieces about how you are bad and wrong for doing whatever it is that you do. Try to let it go. Other people are welcome to have their dumb opinions, but you don’t have to agree or even engage.