Hi, I think I’m questioning if I’m poly? I’m bi, and really into this girl who is poly and married. A friend of mine pointed out that I’d be dating both *she thinks* not just the girl, and I’m not against the idea? I’m just wondering if you have any ideas for advice or help? This is the first time I’ve thought about it before.
It sounds like you’ve got a lot of questions that are mainly based on assumptions - a friend of yours thinks that this polyamorous couple dates as a couple instead of dating individually; but you haven’t actually talked to the woman you like about what dating her would mean. So be careful of falling into thought spirals that you maybe don’t need to go down!
It’s okay to think about whether you’d be interested in dating polyamorously, and if so, what specific flavors of polyamory appeal to you. Maybe you’d be okay dating someone who is already dating other people! Maybe you’d be okay dating a couple! Maybe you’d be okay with either! Maybe neither! Your best bet is to sit and think about that. What’s your best case scenario? Worst case? How do you think about relationships? What are your fears? Your needs?
Then, talk with this person you’re interested in. Ask her genuine questions: if someone likes you and you are into them, what are the first steps you take? Do you clear it with your partner? Do you expect that someone you date is also involved with your partner? You can have these conversations in the general case without confessing your own interest in her; or you can bring it up in that context if it makes more sense.
Finally, here’s my FAQ page about this!