hi there! sorry for anon, just wondering: i’m new to identifying as potentially-poly. Thing is i’m not (right now) totally comfortable with the idea of being with someone who is with someone else, i’m more about trios and a multi-person relationship, rather than multiple couples. I’d just like to know, is there a word for that…?

To my knowledge, there is not a specific identity label for someone who wants to date polyamorously, but only in closed relationships. What you are wanting is to be part of a triad, a quad, or a “closed poly relationship” or “closed polycule.”

You can just identify as poly and explain your caveats to people you want to date. If you are hoping to be wrapped into an existing couple to turn it into a triad, you can identify as a unicorn, but be prepared to be inundated with people trying to “add you” to their relationship and know what your dealbreakers and red flags are up front. But if you’re more interested in forming a triad/quad/etc. from scratch rather than “joining” an existing relationship, that’s not being a unicorn - I don’t think there’s a word for that.

If you come up with one, send it in to me and I will do my best to spread it! Until then, it’s OK not to have a specific word as long as you have other strategies to help you communicate, to yourself and other people, what you’re all about!