I know this isn’t necessarily about polyamory but I need help. The person I’m dating cheated on me. They’re still friends with the person they cheated on me with and sometimes they chose to hang out with them over me. I have massive breakdowns every single time and I’m so worried about them cheating on me again or about there still being a relationship there or something and I just don’t know what to do because it hurts so bad and I have such a hard time with this.
If being in a relationship is making you have “massive breakdowns” and “hurts so bad,” it’s probably not a healthy relationship for you to be in.
I’m not saying everyone who gets cheated on should instantly leave the relationship, but it is a pretty serious dealbreaker for most people. Staying together after the betrayal of cheating requires lots of effort and energy directed toward healing the relationship. If your partner isn’t willing or able to do that work, don’t stay with them.
Have you asked your partner to stop spending time with the person they cheated on you with? Have you told them how hurt and upset you feel in this situation? If they are willing to work with you to help get through this painful period and heal from the cheating, great. But if not - or, even if they are willing, they aren’t able to give you what you need - leave the relationship.