In a mono 7 year relationship. Things are great aside from a lack of sexual chemistry. i only realised that after falling in love with another guy. I want to open things up but my partner is jealous + insecure abt my past with this other guy. Ideas?

I try to be open to other people’s ways of seeing and feeling, but if you’ll permit me to let my own biases bleed into this answer: in my honest opinion, a man who is “jealous and insecure” about your past with someone after seven years of monogamy has some problems he needs to work out. That’s not healthy.

But I don’t think “wow, that’s inappropriate to put on me” is enough reason to walk out on a 7 year relationship that you feel is going well. If the main issue is a lack of sexual chemistry, and your spark with another guy is what made you realize what you’re missing, you may be able to solve the issue by re-energizing your sex life with your current partner.

It’s not uncommon for a couple’s sex life to lose some of its luster after seven years or so - you missing that energy might not be a signal that you should date someone else. Try planning a weekend away in a romantic airbnb and just going at it, go shopping for new toys together, take the mojo upgrade test together, or do something else to re-ignite the passion you’ve started to miss.

If that doesn’t work, and you realize that the issue is not a lack of sexual chemistry but your ability to love more than one person at once, you have a choice to make - try and gently lead your partner into an acceptance of opening the relationship, end the relationship and seek out a poly guy, or make the conscious choice not to act on those feelings for the sake of your current relationship. 

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