I’ve been in a mono relationship for about a year now, but I’m poly. My boyfriend knows I’m poly, but at the start of the relationship we decided that it’d stay mono. I’ve recently fallen for several people, and not being able to express my poly side is almost painful in a way - how do you suggest talking to my boyfriend about opening up the relationship without making him feel offended or insecure that I’m losing my feelings for him? Thanks!
You’re in a tough situation, because you made an agreement at the beginning of the relationship that you want to alter the terms of. Your boyfriend may feel blindsided or even betrayed, which is something you want to minimize. I would recommend against bringing this up in the context of you having fallen for other people recently. That runs the risk of making it about your desire to be with other people besides your boyfriend, when the real issue is that you want the freedom to live into your full self as a poly person.
My advice would be to go slowly and gently when bringing this up. Focus on the fact that you’ve been together for a year, and things are going well. Relationships change, and people change, and that’s a good thing - there is no growth without change. Tell your boyfriend that you’d like to revisit the question of a polyamorous practice now that you two are more secure in your relationship. Make it an open conversation about the issue rather than an immediate request.
Be clear that this isn’t about you losing feeling for him, or feeling unfulfilled - rather, that you’re so happy and fulfilled in this relationship that you think it might be healthy enough to absorb the risk of trying this new thing. Check in with him and make sure he has space to respond. Maybe he still feels exactly the same way as he did a year ago and wants to hold you to your original commitment. In that case, you have a decision to make - is the sacrifice worth it? Only you can say for yourself. Or, maybe he’s willing to entertain the thought - in which case, you have a new set of challenges to face together.