i’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 2 years and i love him very much! he’s very protective and gets jealous easily, but he tells me he just wants me to do what makes me happy. recently my friend admitted she has a crush on me, and i would love to date both of them, but i’m afraid i would hurt my boyfriend because of how committed he is to me. and i don’t even know how she feels about polyamory. any advice??
First off, jealousy and level of commitment aren’t related - you can be very committed to someone and not very jealous; you can also be very jealous about someone but not that committed to them. (Song with relevant lyrics.) It sounds like your boyfriend is both very committed and pretty jealous, but one is not evidence of the other. Equating jealousy with commitment or intensity of affection is a dangerous mistake.
Second, it sounds like your primary issue is not knowing how all parties feel about things. You can ask your boyfriend how he feels about polyamory in the abstract without jumping right into “hey, cool if I date my friend?” And you can ask your friend - “hey, since you told me you have a crush on me, would you want to get together if I was still with my boyfriend?”
If your boyfriend says he would never consider a poly or open arrangement, there’s your answer. You can decide whether to stay with him and let go of a chance with your friend, or to leave that relationship to pursue other options. Be sure, however, that you know what options you are pursuing - the option to get with your friend vs the option to date polyamorously - and be honest with yourself about the reality of your intentions and expectations.
Finally, I don’t really know what you mean by “very protective” and “gets jealous easily” - that could be within the spectrum of normal, healthy monogamy, or it could signal something problematic. If, when you bring up polyamory, he gets angry, upset, or jealous to a level that makes you feel afraid or threatened, run. If he uses your questions about polyamory to guilt you or accuse you of cheating, run. If you feel at all manipulated or controlled by his protectiveness or jealousy, run.