Okay, I’ve been recently introduced into the Poly world and to be honest im pretty ignorant to the topic but all I know is most of my life has consisted of long term relationships. With my husband now I love him dearly and couldn’t imagine my life without him well this other man is in the same boat loves his wife but we both agree that were drawn to each other like a moth to a flame were both so confused I don’t know how else to explain it just need advise
This is a tough situation - I wish I had more clarity on what you mean by “recently introduced into the poly world.” Does that mean you’ve been learning about it, or you’re starting to explore polyamory yourself?
No matter what, he first person you need to talk to about this is your husband. Too many people get caught in an affair (or another situation that makes their partner feel betrayed and threatened), and then retroactively try to suggest polyamory. I have never seen this go well. Before you even discuss anything with this other man, you need to get everything on the table with your husband and figure out how to proceed. Your husband may be interested, cautious, or entirely put off by the idea, but it’s his input you need first. If he’s absolutely against the idea, the choice you need to make is whether to stay with him monogamously, or make the break that allows you to investigate polyamory.
Be patient and let things go as slowly as they need to, because your husband may need lots of time to process what you’re telling him. You just discovered that you have the capacity in you to love your husband and be simultaneously drawn to another man, and you’ve been learning about polyamory, so this situation makes more sense to you. You understand that your love for your husband isn’t at risk, and you see the internal logic in polyamory. But remember that your husband hasn’t had the same experiences, and may not have the same exposure to poly concepts as you - so the fact that you’re attracted to another man and thinking about acting on it might be very threatening to him, no matter how it’s explained.
Give him space and gentleness, because society sends people lots of messages that if your partner is interested in someone else, it means you’re not enough and you’re at risk of losing it all, so be attuned to his needs. Look out for your own needs too, and make choices that are right for you, but make sure you also care for your husband through this.