Overall im excited and happy about my poly relationship, sometimes ill get in a real sad dark place. Happens maybe once every few of months but i cant shake. Is this occasional depression and regret normal? Should i care since it’s so infrequent?

I’m not a trained psychiatrist, but I think it’s pretty common for people’s moods to fluctuate over the course of months. If you find that these sad, dark places are something you can’t tolerate, or you’re afraid you’ll do lasting damage to yourself or your relationships while you’re in one, I strongly suggest you talk to a doctor or therapist about these waves of depression.

Journaling can also help you get to the bottom of what’s happening. If you’re a person who gets periods, you might find that the hormone fluctuations before or during menstruation often trigger these bouts of depression. Or, they might happen when you’ve been stressed or after something affects your sleep, diet, or other parts of your routine. They may be tied to weather, stressors from your job, or something else.

Or, they may truly come out of nowhere - the mind is a mysterious and sometimes frustrating thing. But paying attention to when and how these moods show up, what they feel like, how long they last, and what helps you get through/out of them can really help.

And if you find that these depressions are exclusively focused on issues with your poly relationship, I’d encourage you to figure out what is bothering you during those periods and discuss it with your partner(s). You may have some unresolved problems or unmet needs that surface when you don’t have the mental energy to keep them at bay, and addressing them can help ward off these eruptions of sadness.

Good luck!