Question for the readers. Do you consider it part of your identity as a poly person to attempt to grow the movement?
Abso-fucking-lutely NOT. I actually feel more that it’s my responsibility to demonstrate that poly people can be respectful of other people’s choices, because we’re getting a reputation for proselytizing and it’s not good. No one likes being proselytized to, and we actually hurt our movement when we make people who identify as monogamous feel condescended to, judged, or proselytized at. I hear mono people complain often that poly people act like we’re in on some secret that they’re just not enlightened enough to get, or like we’re somehow having better sex or relationships than them. I also hear growing complaints from within the queer community that there’s lots of pressure to be non-monogamous, and queer people who want exclusive relationships are getting frustrated.
Let’s don’t become the stereotypical vegans of sexual identities. To crib a phrase from the LGBT folks: Some people are monogamous. Some people are polyamorous. Some people could happily be either. Get over it.