I love this guy, but we're not compatible as partners. Should we date anyway?

I'm in love with someone, however he's polyamorous and I'm very monogamous. To the point where it would hurt knowing he's dating anyone other than me - not only because of how I am but because someone I dated before cheated on me many times because I'm asexual. My brother keeps telling me I can't force myself to date him because it'll hurt me, but we're both unhappy now anyways so... Should I just suck it up and date him so we're both at least mostly happy?

No, you should not start a relationship that requires you to “suck it up.” You already know that dating someone polyamorous would “hurt.” Your brother is right. I know it sucks to not be able to date someone that you really want to date, but sometimes just being “in love” isn’t enough to make a relationship healthy and sustainable.

Take some space from this person, and start actively seeking out relationships that are going to meet your needs better. Spend time online and in-person in spaces that are tailored to asexual, monogamous people. Set up a dating profile that specifically mentions what you are and are not looking for. You’ll find someone who makes you happy to be with, not just unhappy to not be with, and who doesn’t require relationship terms that will cause you pain.

I’m Panromantic, Asexual, and Poly…is there a more proper way to say that?

Not really, as far as I know, because those words all refer to different aspects of yourself. You could think of them as your romantic orientation, your sexual orientation, and your relationship orientation. If I’m a sister, a writer, and a person who hates tomatoes, there isn’t one word that encapsulates those three traits because they’re all different aspects of myself.

But all words and all concepts were, at some point, invented by someone to reflect something they thought needed a word! So if you want a term that covers multiple aspects of identity, feel free to develop one!

Hi! I am a 16 year old girl ace/bi and discovered a few months ago I’m polyamorous. While I have not dated anyone still I think it would be nice to go out with two people. However,I felt a little insecure because in this society an asexual is rare and more if it is a polyamorous asexual, so when I imagine a future with two beautiful people the thought that no one could accept me for being asexual and polyamorous invades me, could you give me some words of encouragement and advice?

When you’re 16, you’re mostly surrounded by other teenagers. Teenagers are not a demographic famous for their sensitivity to the differences of others, or for making each other feel accepted. Don’t base your assumptions about how society works on what you see in your peers!

There are as many ways to express and experience sexuality and relationships as there are people. You have grown up in a world saturated by stories of straight, sexually-inclined romances - but that’s the media’s problem, not yours. Again, don’t base your assumptions about “society” based on what you’ve seen so far. As you get older, you’ll find that the real world includes all sorts of people looking for all sorts of partners, and you can find a place to be accepted and understood no matter what.

Here are some resources about polyamory and asexuality:

In the long run, you are going to be okay. You are going to find your people, people who love and accept you, and you are going to grow and live and love in all the ways that are right for you. Many people at 16 worry about finding love and acceptance, and that’s a normal fear especially for a young person discovering their sexuality. Remember that there are plenty of people out there like you, building communities and relationships, and you can always find them online if they are not available to you in real life yet. Good luck!