Hey, I’m a girl crushing on this boy in my class. But I’m not really sure if likes me back. Every day I see him, all he does is stare, does that mean something.

Maybe he’s staring because he thinks you’re pretty. Maybe you’re conveniently in his “doze off in class while daydreaming” line of sight. Maybe he’s an alien anthropologist secretly doing a case study on you. I don’t know what it means. But you know who does? Him.

Better an “oops” than a “what if.” Talk to him. Invite him to collaborate on a class project. Sit with him at lunch. Ask for his phone number or kik or whatsapp or whatever you kids use to chat these days. Either he’s into you, or he’s not. Either way, you’ll get an answer!

I’m a high schooler with a crush on a girl, but she’s already dating my sister. Is this just teenage rebellion or something? I know it’s weird and I’ve heard it’s basically incest, but I don’t feel that way. Is it really incest, and should I leave this whole thing alone?

Crushing on someone who is dating your sister is not incest. On any level. Whoever told you that is wrong.

It is certainly uncomfortable and frustrating and annoying to crush on someone who you can’t pursue, and this probably won’t be the last time you feel like this. Learning self control around inappropriate crushes is a good skill that will serve you well throughout your entire life.

The best thing to do is, yes, to leave it alone. Crushes fade, but if you destroy your relationship with your sister over this, that will be much harder to repair. It is not wrong to have these feelings, but acting on them would likely hurt a lot of people. 

Try to minimize your time spent around this person. If she’s around to hang out with your sister, find somewhere else to be. Resist the urge to flirt. It’s generally impossible to just turn off feelings entirely, but don’t indulge or cultivate them. 

I’m in love with a boy. I think I don’t know. I can’t tell. I don’t know what to do. I’ve been about him for 3 years. I can’t let him go. I tried to get over him with other guys. It doesn’t work. He wants sex. I’ve imagined it w him. But nobody else. That says a lot for me. But I’m worried what if he’s not in love with me. I may not even be in love  w him. I said goodbye to him last night. I haven’t wanted to eat. socialize. Anything. I cried myself to sleep. I cried for 4 hours this morning. Skipped school cause I couldn’t bare to see his face. Do I tell him I may love him. Or let him go. The whole story is so complicated and long I just I don’t know if I should love or let go..

The fact that you call him a “boy” and mention skipping school leads me to believe that you’re in high school, or maybe college. Feeling this sort of all-consuming love for someone is normal at that age. It’s painful and difficult but also, as you may know, exhilarating. To care so deeply about someone, or something, is a hallmark of youth and it’s something that many adults sometimes miss, though in a sort of bittersweet way. 

If you can, try to channel this passion into something creative. So much great artwork, music, literature, etc. has been created by people like you, caught up in a love they couldn’t control. Take all this energy and direct it at something you can control and be proud of. Write fanfic inspired by your fantasies about this boy and cultivate an audience who lives for the romance! Or find whatever artistic outlet works for you. When you feel helpless, try to find a way to make this empowering. Let your feelings be about you, not him.

That said, crying for four hours and skipping school is not normal or remotely fun. If this is a common thing for you - if you often feel overwhelmed by emotion, if you feel unable to face people or situations that cause you anxiety and this makes you avoid or miss out on things, that’s a sign of a bigger problem that you deserve help for. Please talk to a parent or a school counselor about this. Skipping school is almost never a good option for the long term - mental health days are one thing, but being unable to be around classmates you have feelings for will disrupt your education. And you don’t deserve that. This isn’t about a specific boy, it’s about helping you feel safe and capable of handling challenging situations. Don’t let difficult feelings trap you in a pattern of sadness and avoidance. 

As for whether you should tell him or let him go, that’s up to you. But if you’re worried that he’d want sex if you told him about your feelings, and if that’s not something you’re ready for, or if you know you would be devastated to have sex with him and find out his feelings for you aren’t that strong, maybe consider trying to let this go. See about joining a team or a club that doesn’t include him and build a social life or other fun distractions around yourself. This depth of love and passion feels eternal and unsurpassable now, but we all change as we grow, and you won’t feel like this forever, trust me. 

how can i tell my girlfriend that i don’t want commitment. i made it pretty clear in the beginning, keep in mind i’m 15, and i hate commitment. I wanna be with other people, while being with her, but i know she won’t like that. how do i tell her that i wanna have other relationships without making anything with anyone official without hurting her

It used to be that people your age dated pretty openly, and there was a difference between “going out with” and “going steady with.” But things have changed, and I take it your girlfriend isn’t an Archie & Veronica fan.

I get a lot of questions like this - people say “I want my partner to understand something, or agree to something, but they don’t - how can I say the magic words to get them to feel or think a different way?” The thing is, you can’t. Your girlfriend might as easily write to me to ask how to tell her boyfriend that she wants commitment. Hearing this will hurt her feelings - you can’t avoid that, but you can handle it with grace and gentleness.

If your girlfriend wants commitment, and you don’t, one of you two needs to compromise or the relationship needs to end. It’s okay to want different things, and it’s good that at this age you know what you want in a relationship and can clearly articulate it. Your girlfriend won’t be happy to hear this, and you should be sensitive and responsible with the emotional fallout, but soon you’ll both be able to pursue relationships that meet your needs better.

A note on your age: I don’t know many 15 year olds who love commitment, and it sounds like you have the self awareness to keep yourself from getting locked into a relationship that’s not appropriate for where you are in your life. That’s awesome! But be careful about letting “I hate commitment” become a rigid facet of your self-identity. There are times where committing is the healthy thing to do, so stay open and take each situation as it comes.

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hey im a 15 year old in high school and i would really like some advice on this one thing.. okay so i just broke up with my boyfriend of 8 months. i loved him more than he loved me, blah blah blah. after the break up, i wasn’t all that sad about it. and i started liking this other guy, who also liked me. so we became a thing, i guess. we never actually dated, but we told each other personal things and kissed and called each other cute names. this lasted for about a month, then he said it was going to fast and he needed space. so i guess he kind of broke up with me. that was 3 days ago, and i already like someone else. and i feel like complete shit because of it. idk if it’s alright or if it makes me a horrible person. what’s your opinion?

You are not a horrible person! You are fifteen. Being fifteen is a time for fun, a time for experimentation, a time for learning who you are and what you’re all about. Kudos to you for enjoying what you had while you had it and then being able to appreciate the next good thing when it was time for something to end. Being independent and able to move on from breakups is a good quality to have, especially when you’re this young.

Dating for 8 months feels like a long time in high school, but as far as relationships go, it’s pretty casual. At your age, relationships are based on passion, excitement, experimentation, and novelty. It wasn’t like you two had kids, got married, or lived together - in the grand scheme of things, your level of commitment wasn’t super high. And that’s how things should be for high schoolers! They should be fun without requiring massive amounts of pressure or commitment.

We’re all familiar with the girl-who’s-been-through-a-breakup trope, from songs and movies and other media. The Ben and Jerry’s, the sobbing in bed, that sort of thing. But just because an image is prevalent doesn’t mean it’s the most healthy or normal response to a situation. You’re at a time in your life when it’s normal and healthy to move quickly between relationships, to harbor lots of crushes, and to not make emotional investments so deep and lasting that you’re destroyed when they end.