Hi. I think my boyfriend is gonna leave me because I won’t sleep with him. I really love him, but we are in high school. I wanna wait until marriage but he always brings it up. I don’t want him to leave me, I want us to both win. I don’t know what to do. Halp please.

If your boyfriend is pushing or disrespecting your boundaries, that is not healthy and not okay. Trying to use ultimatums or the threat of a breakup to pressure you into doing something you aren’t comfortable doing is not okay.

It’s his right to leave a relationship if the terms - no sex before marriage - are not working for him. It’s your right to leave a relationship if the terms - sex before marriage - are not working for you. It is also your right to leave a relationship if you feel pressured, manipulated, or threatened.

You have your whole life to meet people whose values and desires will sync better with yours, and who will respect your choices about what you want to do with your own body. Don’t compromise for a boy just to keep him. 

This is not about “winning” or “losing,” it’s about learning how to stand up for yourself, demand respect for your boundaries, and identify when situations aren’t healthy for you. It is okay for relationships to end once you figure out that what you want isn’t compatible - that’s the entire point of dating! 

Hey, I’m a girl crushing on this boy in my class. But I’m not really sure if likes me back. Every day I see him, all he does is stare, does that mean something.

Maybe he’s staring because he thinks you’re pretty. Maybe you’re conveniently in his “doze off in class while daydreaming” line of sight. Maybe he’s an alien anthropologist secretly doing a case study on you. I don’t know what it means. But you know who does? Him.

Better an “oops” than a “what if.” Talk to him. Invite him to collaborate on a class project. Sit with him at lunch. Ask for his phone number or kik or whatsapp or whatever you kids use to chat these days. Either he’s into you, or he’s not. Either way, you’ll get an answer!

I’m a high schooler with a crush on a girl, but she’s already dating my sister. Is this just teenage rebellion or something? I know it’s weird and I’ve heard it’s basically incest, but I don’t feel that way. Is it really incest, and should I leave this whole thing alone?

Crushing on someone who is dating your sister is not incest. On any level. Whoever told you that is wrong.

It is certainly uncomfortable and frustrating and annoying to crush on someone who you can’t pursue, and this probably won’t be the last time you feel like this. Learning self control around inappropriate crushes is a good skill that will serve you well throughout your entire life.

The best thing to do is, yes, to leave it alone. Crushes fade, but if you destroy your relationship with your sister over this, that will be much harder to repair. It is not wrong to have these feelings, but acting on them would likely hurt a lot of people. 

Try to minimize your time spent around this person. If she’s around to hang out with your sister, find somewhere else to be. Resist the urge to flirt. It’s generally impossible to just turn off feelings entirely, but don’t indulge or cultivate them. 

So uhm..there’s this guy that i reallly like at school, and he actually knows i exist haha..he likes to hug me and “accidently” grabs my hand…but i value my friends and other peoples opinions very much thus i dont know what to do. They dont approve and they say he’s a player but he seems really nice and genuine…i have no idea what to do…please help?

On the one hand, it sounds like you’re young, and being young is the time to have fun. If you like a guy and he likes you, go for it. Have a good time! Be safe and responsible, don’t accept any treatment from him that you’re not okay with, but be willing to take some risks that don’t have lifelong consequences (like the risk of dating a guy who might break your heart; not the risk of getting pregnant). The whole point of dating people is to learn about who they are and what you like in a relationship. 

If your friends have serious concerns - like he has a reputation for not honoring consent, or he has cheated on or abused other girls in the past - that’s worth listening to. I’m a very big proponent of women looking out for other women and spreading information about men who act in predatory ways. Don’t let him charm you into becoming another victim if you know he victimizes people.

But if your friends just don’t approve for nebulous reasons, I say go for it. You’re young and now is the time to make mistakes and try things out. Maybe he’s not right for you, but you’ll never know if you don’t try. Either you’ll learn to take your friends’ advice and spot red flags earlier, or you’ll learn the benefits of doing what you want despite the opinions of others. Win-win!

how can i tell my girlfriend that i don’t want commitment. i made it pretty clear in the beginning, keep in mind i’m 15, and i hate commitment. I wanna be with other people, while being with her, but i know she won’t like that. how do i tell her that i wanna have other relationships without making anything with anyone official without hurting her

It used to be that people your age dated pretty openly, and there was a difference between “going out with” and “going steady with.” But things have changed, and I take it your girlfriend isn’t an Archie & Veronica fan.

I get a lot of questions like this - people say “I want my partner to understand something, or agree to something, but they don’t - how can I say the magic words to get them to feel or think a different way?” The thing is, you can’t. Your girlfriend might as easily write to me to ask how to tell her boyfriend that she wants commitment. Hearing this will hurt her feelings - you can’t avoid that, but you can handle it with grace and gentleness.

If your girlfriend wants commitment, and you don’t, one of you two needs to compromise or the relationship needs to end. It’s okay to want different things, and it’s good that at this age you know what you want in a relationship and can clearly articulate it. Your girlfriend won’t be happy to hear this, and you should be sensitive and responsible with the emotional fallout, but soon you’ll both be able to pursue relationships that meet your needs better.

A note on your age: I don’t know many 15 year olds who love commitment, and it sounds like you have the self awareness to keep yourself from getting locked into a relationship that’s not appropriate for where you are in your life. That’s awesome! But be careful about letting “I hate commitment” become a rigid facet of your self-identity. There are times where committing is the healthy thing to do, so stay open and take each situation as it comes.

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hey im a 15 year old in high school and i would really like some advice on this one thing.. okay so i just broke up with my boyfriend of 8 months. i loved him more than he loved me, blah blah blah. after the break up, i wasn’t all that sad about it. and i started liking this other guy, who also liked me. so we became a thing, i guess. we never actually dated, but we told each other personal things and kissed and called each other cute names. this lasted for about a month, then he said it was going to fast and he needed space. so i guess he kind of broke up with me. that was 3 days ago, and i already like someone else. and i feel like complete shit because of it. idk if it’s alright or if it makes me a horrible person. what’s your opinion?

You are not a horrible person! You are fifteen. Being fifteen is a time for fun, a time for experimentation, a time for learning who you are and what you’re all about. Kudos to you for enjoying what you had while you had it and then being able to appreciate the next good thing when it was time for something to end. Being independent and able to move on from breakups is a good quality to have, especially when you’re this young.

Dating for 8 months feels like a long time in high school, but as far as relationships go, it’s pretty casual. At your age, relationships are based on passion, excitement, experimentation, and novelty. It wasn’t like you two had kids, got married, or lived together - in the grand scheme of things, your level of commitment wasn’t super high. And that’s how things should be for high schoolers! They should be fun without requiring massive amounts of pressure or commitment.

We’re all familiar with the girl-who’s-been-through-a-breakup trope, from songs and movies and other media. The Ben and Jerry’s, the sobbing in bed, that sort of thing. But just because an image is prevalent doesn’t mean it’s the most healthy or normal response to a situation. You’re at a time in your life when it’s normal and healthy to move quickly between relationships, to harbor lots of crushes, and to not make emotional investments so deep and lasting that you’re destroyed when they end.

Ok. Little bit of a dilemma here. And idk who to ask for opinions but here I go. I’ve been dating this guy for a yearish technically idk we broke up then got back together and we are really in love w th each other (I know it sounds really really cheesy) and we’ve talked about our future together (yet again super cheesy) and I’m still in high school and he’s almost done with it and he’s my 2nd boyfriend and I just feel like I will regret only dating him my whole life and idk what to do

Let me tell you two stories:

When I was a sophomore in high school, I started dating a boy in my class. We dated for about a year and were very serious about each other. We talked a lot about our future together. He even “proposed” to me and gave me a very beautiful promise ring. We broke up my junior year of high school. We don’t talk anymore.

When I was a senior in high school, I started dating a boy from another high school. We never talked about a “future together” because I knew the relationship was doomed to be a high school fling, since even if we were going to the same college (we weren’t), high school relationships don’t generally last. I figured we would have fun while it lasted and break things off when distance or immaturity got the best of us. We’re still together and have lived together for the past 3 years.

The thing about relationships is that you never really know what they’re going to become. You aren’t in control of the future, only the present. If you’re together today, be with each other today. Be in the relationship as it is right now - that matters more than whether you’ll be together in a year. Some people will tell you that high school relationships don’t last. Other people will tell you that if you think you’ve found “the one,” you should hold on with everything you’ve got. Neither piece of advice has much nuance to it, though.

Your feelings for him right now are strong, and real, and exciting. Channel those into your current relationship rather than trying to predict or nail down the future. Maybe it’ll last, maybe it won’t. Worrying about the future only distracts from the present. Do what’s healthy and fulfilling for you right now and trust your future self to make the right decisions too.