Hi! i’m an afab poly human with multiple amab partners who enjoy penetrative play. Apart from basic sanitation things… Are there like… Etiquette rules for sharing equipment between partners? Like, “It is not polite to use the same dildo on more than one person.” Or is it mostly about making sure things are healthy and safe with being thoroughly cleaned?

This is an interesting question! The thing about polyamory is that there are lots of ways to practice it, and there’s no Emily Post’s Etiquette Book of Polyamory. If you and your partners are comfortable with something, then that’s great! If not, then don’t do it!

In my case, I find that establishing ownership helps. Say I have two boyfriends, and each one might have his own toy collection. I wouldn’t borrow any of his toys to use with another partner, but I can reasonably assume he’ll use them with his other partners. And then I have my own toys, that I use with my own partners. (This requires me to have trust in my partners that they’ll take good care of their toys. If I didn’t feel comfortable using some random toy that a fling pulled out from under his bed, I’d say so.)

Have a frank chat with all your partners - “hey, are you ok using my toys that I’ve already used with others?” If they feel squicky about it, keep a collection that’s just between you two. If not, no worries. Always be aware of whether certain partners have allergies, sensitivities, health considerations, etc. when introducing toys.

And as always, hygiene and sanitation are a crucial! Consider using condoms with penetrative toys, always know what materials are safe to use together, and thoroughly sanitize toys after use (even if they aren’t being shared).