Is it possible, or common for straight women to be in V-shaped arrangements with multiple straight men? (

So it seems really uncommon to have a polyamorous relationship with two or more males with one woman. Am I just looking in the wrong places (just in terms of seeing how others handle this dynamic, not looking as in seeking). I am not really interested in other women. But i feel like it’s not realistic to want a relationship with two straight men who would want to both be with me, more than sexually. Do you have any thoughts on this?

Up until very recently, that was exactly the situation I was in - I identified as a straight woman and dated mostly straight men. For most of my dating life I have been in “V-shaped” relationships that looked like: me, a straight woman, dating Scorpio, a straight man, and Leo, a straight man, and maybe also Orion, a straight man. (Sometimes the men I dated were not straight; I don’t want to erase anyone’s identities, but mostly, they have been.) Often the men I dated got along well, but they were not romantically or sexually involved with each other. And typically they were dating other women as well.

This is, in my experience, actually a very common polyamorous configuration! Straight men are socialized in such a way that they are a population very well represented in polyam circles. If what you’re hoping for is a triad, where both straight men are involved romantically or sexually with each other, well, that’s not usually how straight men work - but it sounds like you’re looking for the opportunity to have multiple straight male partners who are okay with you having other male partners. That is very, very possible!

Try checking out my page on finding polyamorous people to date - be clear about what you’re looking for, set up a dating profile with that goal, get out there and meet some polyam dudes, and you’ll find your V! And to answer your first question, yes, it’s pretty common, and you may just be looking in the wrong places. Keep poking around Tumblr, YouTube, and the rest of the internet and you’ll find plenty of stuff being written by, and about, people in that exact situation!

FAQ: Poly representation in fiction & nonfiction media

I get a lot of questions asking about where to read or watch stories about polyamorous relationships, and I always end up having to crowdsource because these days my reading is 90% nonfiction for my work. Here’s a centralized list of recommendations and resources I’ve been able to find.

PLEASE NOTE that I cannot personally endorse or vouch for any of the media linked or listed here. Some may be negative or unhealthy representations of polyamory; some may be triggering; some may just be bad. Know your triggers and your limits and feel free to quit watching or reading something if you’re not enjoying it. Many of the works listed here may contain explicit sexual content.




Goodreads lists

IMDB lists

Reddit threads

Do you have any book recs, fic recs, or show recs that are polyamory positive? I’d prefer it if the main character has two or more partners, but those partners aren’t romantically involved with each other. I loved the captain america fanfic: Known Associates by thingswithwings.

I answered a similar question a few weeks ago: you can see my answer here! After I published that, I got this message from @scutellatebooted:

For the anon looking for good polyships in media, Leverage has one! It is confirmed by the creators but the show was canceled before they fully developed it. That being said, the interactions between the characters involved are loving, healthy, and supportive - they totally read as romantic even though only two of the three are officially “dating.” In fact, all the relationships are fantastic. There’s no shame for divorced or promiscuous individuals and family is more than blood relatives.

I personally love the show Steven Universe for its depiction of all the different types of love. Greg can be a great dad to Steven even though he can’t raise him in the traditional sense; Pearl and Garnet and Amethyst are all united by their love for Steven and Rose and are co-parenting him and co-habiting; Pearl learns to manage her complicated feelings about and connections to Greg; etc.

I also loved the book The Color Purple for the way it depicted deep love between multiple people - again, not overtly or explicitly polyamorous, but I wrote a paper for one of my classes in college that was a close-reading of the book through a polyamorous lens, and I definitely feel that it’s an exploration of poly themes.

In addition to the lists in my answer previously linked, here are some other collections of resources: