My husband and I became poly 4 years ago and I immediately met my bf but was long distance for the first year. He has moved to our state now and I can now see him frequently. I have noticed that over the last 2 years I only want to have sex or be sexual with my bf. I don’t know what to do about this decline in sexual drive for my deeply loved husband. I don’t think this is NRE. I can’t imagine losing either partner. I don’t want to force myself to be sexual if I don’t want to either. Really don’t know what to do. Is this common?
Yes, it is relatively common for there to be ups and downs when it comes to sexual interest with a long term partner, even in monogamous relationships. And when it comes to polyamory, it is also pretty common for new partners to ignite more sexual passion, for a whole host of reasons. You say you don’t think this is NRE, but I think it’s definitely a cousin of NRE.
First, do you know if this bothers your husband? It is entirely possible that the lack of sexual energy between you is mutual, and that he is okay with this new arrangement where you two have an intimate, romantic, loving marriage without needing to find the time and energy for sex. Try opening with the neutral observation: that you’re having less sex lately, but that nothing else seems to be strained. Has he noticed the same? What does he think of it? It may turn out that this is a total non-issue - if both of you are having as much sex as you’d like with each other, there’s no problem!
If he does want to have more sex with you, then you’ll need to figure out where to go from there. Is there something your new partner does that really gets you going? What could you try with your husband to reinvigorate your sex life - anything from reading erotica together, taking a romantic vacation, or setting aside time to give it a good faith effort? Is he interested in seeking sex outside the relationship as well? What compromises are each of you willing to make?
Your actual question was “is this common,” but my answer to that question (yes, it is) doesn’t actually help you much. You’ve got to check in with your husband about what he wants, and needs, and feels, and then do the work to move forward from there. Best of luck!