I was dating a guy, we'll call him Mark and his wife Nicole. Mark and Nicole were both poly. I started dating Mark and Nicole seemed great at first. She lost a relationship then it seemed like things got harder for her. Once Mark and I decided that we loved each other she was pretty much done. I had no intention of taking him away from her, ever. I am also married and I don't want to be with just Mark. So Nicole decided that Mark had to cut things off with me. It has been over a month now and I just heard from Mark. He told me that things aren't working out between him and Nicole, and they are getting a divorce. He wants to talk to me again after the divorce is finalized. Should I date him after the divorce is complete? I feel kind of all over the place with my emotions at the moment!!!
I don’t see why not. You know that you and Mark are good together, and the only reason you two broke up was because of issues with his wife. Now he has decided that he no longer wants to be with his wife, so the issue that broke you two up is gone, and he wants to resume the relationship.
If your “all over the place” emotions are coming from this internalized social rule that you shouldn’t date people recently after a divorce, you can pretty safely let go of those. You know a lot about who Mark is and how your relationship functions, and if you want to get back together with him, I see no reason not to.
But if those emotions are coming from genuine concerns that you have, of course, definitely sit with them and see if you can parse them out. Are you worried that there will be more drama with him? Did his decision to “cut things off” with you based on his wife’s demands reduce your trust in him? Think about why you’re feeling hesitant about getting back together with him, and communicate clearly with him about those issues. It’s okay to take things slowly and want to just chat or be friends for a while before jumping back into a relationship if that’s what you want.