I have crush on this guy, but this guy is in a polycule with 2 other people, I don't know if they are in a closed relationship, and i'm only really close with one of them but i want to get to know them all better, but how do I ask if they are open?? I don't want to ask them out if they are in a closed relationship, but I'll never know if I don't ask if they are open, but if I ask and they aren't then it might be obvious that I'm into them??
Oh this is an easy one!
You just gotta ask!
You say “hey, I’m wondering, your relationship with Mondo and Siriano, how does that work? Like, would you be open to dating other people? What would that look like?”
I promise, it’s totally worth it and actually very low risk! There are a few possible outcomes for telling them, and they almost all are win-win:
The guy you’re crushing on tells you that they are open, and you get to have a friendly conversation about how he and his partners approach dating and stuff like that, and you get a potential ‘in’ for future flirting and pursuit of that changed relationship.
The guy you’re crushing on says “nah, we’re a closed relationship” or “I’m not really open to dating” or otherwise brushes it off, and you get your answer and can continue being friends without this question hanging over you. If he figured out from this question that you were into him and his partner but knows that will be an unrequited crush, and he’s a good friend, he’ll gloss over that part and pretend not to have noticed.
If he for some reason figures out that you’re into him AND gets weird about it or it damages the friendship, that’s actually an okay outcome too. You get to find out where you stand with this guy and you don’t end up staying in a friendship under terms that make it difficult.
You can’t lose here! You’ll get an answer to your question and valuable information on how that relationship will look going forward.
Best of luck!