A few months ago, my partner’s wife said and did some really abusive things to him in front of me. I had to be in charge of stabilizing their really scary situation that badly triggered my domestic violence PTSD. For weeks she refused to talk to me or apologize, and instead of acknowledging what I did and how hard it was, he panicked and gave her all the attention because she was the one demanding it. How do I cope with this resentment/anger/feeling abandoned before it eats me alive?
First, please see a mental healthcare professional for help with your PTSD. This is not something you should have to deal with alone. Treatment and recovery options for PTSD are out there - take care of yourself. Check out these apps, this resource index, these resources, these self-help modules, or this workbook.
Second, tell your partner that this was a triggering situation for you and that you need his help and support. Try to be clear about what you need from him.
Third, seriously reconsider whether this is a healthy relationship for you to be in. If your partner is making choices that put you in unsafe situations, or if your partner is unable or unwilling to support you when you need it, that’s not healthy. You may need to set new boundaries, like refusing to be around an unsafe person. If he cannot respect those boundaries, this isn’t a safe or healthy relationship.