First off may I say your blog has been so helpful to me and I am so happy that I found it, thank you so much for all the work you do <3. So after some research and thought I find I am both poly and mono, as in I would not mind either kind of relationship. Is this a common thing? Does this even count as being poly? And also, when I imagine my ideal poly relationship, its usually in which me and my partners are loyal to each other, as in we only see each other and no one else. Is this idealistic?

Is it a common thing? No real way of telling, honestly, since there hasn’t been a “polyamorous identity census” yet. Plus, I don’t know your definition of “common.” The good thing is, it doesn’t really matter! You are you and that’s what’s up. I do know some people who are polyflexible, or mono-poly, or whatever term you settle on, so it’s not completely unheard of.

Does it count as being poly? I don’t see why not. Remember that no one person, not even me, is the Official Gatekeeper Of Whose Identity Counts As Poly. If polyamory is part of your identity, then it’s part of your identity. If it helps you find and build relationships that are happy and healthy, great!

What you’re describing is called polyfidelity! It’s definitely a thing that happens, so it’s not unrealistic to imagine that as your ideal. All imagined ideals are, by definition, idealistic, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible! You know what you want, which is a great first step toward getting it. Find poly community, work on yourself, and find that balance of patience and proactivity!