Hi I have been in a very long relationship and have learned about poly a year ago. It sounds so right! I want a polyrelationship with him so bad but my BF says no. I love him, do I stay an be mono or leave him an do what feels right an be poly.

This is a terrible spot to be in, and unfortunately I can’t make this decision for you. Sometimes, relationships put us in positions of great sacrifice or compromise: your partner is definitely moving to NYC, but you want to stay in Austin. Do you give up your career and home, or the relationship? Or your partner definitely wants kids, but you don’t. What do you do?

It can feel like an impossible choice, but it’s one you have to make. No one else can make it for you. I’m just an online advice blogger. I don’t know what’s best for you. I have a hard enough time making this kind of decision for myself. Talk to your therapist, your spiritual leader, your best friend, or whoever you trust to help you work out what path you should take.

And remember that when faced with a tough choice, remember that both sides will involve pain and sacrifice. If one was clearly the right call, it wouldn’t be a tough choice. You’ve got to pick one and commit to making the best life you can from that point on; owning the choice you made to pursue some things and leave others behind.

This TED talk really helped me when I was recently facing a similarly difficult and life-altering choice. I hope it helps you too.