Hiya! I have two partners, my romantic relationship and my qpr.. My girlfriend is ok with me having a qpr with her but I’m worried that she’ll get jealous or I’ll hurt her. Even though my qpr is strictly strong platonic, I feel like I’ll hurt my romantic partner. Any advice? Or thoughts?
If your girlfriend says she’s okay with the arrangement, then either:
a.) She is telling you the truth, but you can’t bring yourself to believe her and trust your own assumptions about her thoughts and feelings over what she says.
b.) She is not telling you the truth, and you’re picking up on subtle clues that she’s misrepresenting her thoughts and feelings to you.
Your first job is to figure out which of the two scenarios is going on.
If it’s the first, that’s your issue and you need to do something about it. If you can’t trust your partner to be honest with you, why are you dating her? If you insist on speaking for her and making assumptions about how she really feels, why is she dating you? You need to work out a way to let go of your unfounded fears and trust in what she is telling you. Trust her, trust the relationship, trust the communication process. If she starts having a problem, then you start addressing it; don’t worry about things that aren’t happening because you think they might.
If it’s the second, that’s an issue between you two. If she can’t trust you enough to be honest with you, why is she dating you? If she isn’t honest with you about her needs and wants, why are you dating her? You need to work out with her what is really going on, and open the lines of communication in a more healthy way so that you don’t have to second guess everything she tells you and she can trust that when she tells you something, you hear it the way she meant it.