I am in need of some much needed help. My boyfriend of 27 months is poly. Me not so much and it’s killing me. It’s hurting me so much and he knows this. Within the last two weeks we’ve really talked about it and I gave him the green light to go ahead and look for friends who he could see turning into something serious. Well I’m really struggling with this. I hate the thought, the idea, hate talking about it. I just want to be with him and only him, but he’s naturally poly. I need help with this.

This might be one of those situations I can’t resolve with some quick tips on communication strategies. Some people are, like you wrote, “naturally poly,” and that means some people are, like you, “naturally mono.” Many relationships end over such irreconcilable differences even when both partners otherwise adore each other. This song is a really sweet, heartbreaking example of such a situation. It’s okay if this turns out to be something you can’t resolve. You aren’t obligated to sacrifice and agonize like this just because your partner needs something you can’t provide.

If you’re committed to making this work, the first step is figuring out why you hate this idea so much. What’s the specific fear you have? Indulge yourself in a daydream of a worst-case-scenario, then analyze it. How does it feel, in your mind and in your body, to think about polyamory? It’s always easier to fight a monster you can see, so turn that flashlight on and face forward. But remember, once you see that monster, you’re still not obligated to fight it. Best of luck.